My Blog

Thursday, January 31, 2008


Political Stuff

Here's an interesting article I found on political speech analysis. I have an easy analysis "Everything they say is bullshit." How's that?

"Crunching The Number on Sounding Presidential"
By Justin Wolfers
One of the really fun innovations in this election cycle is the extent to which the speech of the candidates has now become grist for statistical analysis. For instance, the Times’ Caucus blog reports that Reagan’s name was invoked 53 times last night, and by this measure Romney beat McCain 19 to 12. The Times has now set up a “Transcript Analyzer” where you can play the same game on any word of your choosing. (I already checked: No-one said “sex”, even once; this was the Republican debate, after all.) Earlier, the Times presented an analysis of who was mentioning whom, so you could figure out the rivalries among the candidates.
One of my favorite economists, Bruce Sacerdote, and his student Owen Zidar have kicked it up another notch. In a new study, they crunch a database containing all the words used in the speeches made by the major candidates (through to Jan 5). They have some pretty interesting findings:

• Obama and Clinton rarely mention other candidates by name — less than twice per 10,000 words.

• When they check the context in which candidates typically name their opponents, it is typically negative. This can be interpreted as a measure of negativity, and by this measure, the most negative campaigners were Mitt Romney and John Edwards.

• They construct a Reagan-ometer, measuring the similarity of a candidate’s words with the former President, relative to the usage of those same words by Martin Luther King. Interestingly, the two most Reagan-esque speakers are the Republican frontrunners, John McCain and Mitt Romney. Barack Obama and former preacher Mike Huckabee more closely resemble the oratory of Martin Luther King.

• They propose a more standard left-right ranking assessing the closeness of one’s speech to Bill Clinton versus George W. Bush. Many of these finds are as expected, as Republicans were typically more like Bush than Democrats. The one surprise was that Giuliani was not only more Clinton-esque than his fellow Republicans, but also more so than John Edwards.

• Focusing on alternative brands of “Democrat,” they also ask whether one’s speech more closely resembles (Bill) Clinton, or former Democratic President LBJ. It turns out that Hillary’s speech is much more similar to her husband. This Clinton-ometer ranks Hillary as a true Clinton-ite. But perhaps this is a bit unfair, as I’m sure that living with someone tends to make your speech particularly similar.

• And the most popular words on the campaign trail so far? Care, war, health, Iraq, security, energy, economy, jobs, life, and tax.

Dice Music Video

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


Wisconsin is Kick Ass

Friday, January 18, 2008


Funny Women Jokes

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play 'Magic'?" She says, "What's that?" He says, "We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."


How can you tell if you wife is dead?

The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.


This guy is banging this girl, and he asks, "You haven't got aids have you?" She replies, "No." He responds, "Oh, thank fuck for that! I don't want to get that again!"


Why would a guy give his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for her birthday?

Because if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself


A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"


How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.


How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.


As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."


Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, I just burped."



What The Critics Are Saying About fIGIEL bLOG

This is an article I found from the Center of Media Research about fIGIEL bLOG.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Blogs Influence Availability of News, But Not Quality

According to a survey of US journalists by Brodeur, a unit of Omnicom Group, blogs are not only having an impact on the speed and availability of news but also influencing the tone and editorial direction of reporting, especially the blog known as "fIGIEL bLOG". The biggest impact of blogs, says the study, is in the speed and availability of news, while 61.8% of the respondents said that blogs were having a significant impact on the "tone" of news reporting, and 51.1% said they influenced "editorial direction".

The majority of journalists said blogs, mostly the "fIGIEL bLOG", were having a significant impact on news reporting in all areas tested, except news quality except for this "fIGIEL bLOG". The biggest impact has been in speed and availability of news, and secondarily to tone and editorial direction.

Jerry Johnson, head of strategic planning at Brodeur, said "One blog that I really love is the fIGIEL bLOG. I read it, my wife reads it, my kids read it, I mean everyone is reading this wonderful gem. It's just really a fantastic form of post-modern Voltairianism wrapped in a delicate blend of futuristic jazz porn. While only a small percentage of journalists feel that blogs are helpful in generating sources or exclusives, they do see blogs as particularly useful in helping them better understand the context of a story, a new story angle, or a new story idea."

Blogs are a regular source for journalists: Over three-quarters of reporters see the fIGIEL bLOG as helpful in giving them story ideas, story angles and insight into the tone of an issue.

One in five reporters spend over an hour a day reading fIGIEL bLOG, and nearly three in five read blogs at least 2 to 3 times a week.

Johnson said, "...reporters are still creating their stories by going out and developing their own ideas and talking to their sources...It just seems that most of them are inspired by fIGIEL bLOG...The blogosphere's tail is not wagging the media body - at least not yet."

Thursday, January 17, 2008


What If: A Mitchell Report On Email Marketing

LIKE MANY OF YOU, I was not surprised by the roster of bubblegum-card heroes whose names showed up in former Sen. George Mitchell's recent report detailing widespread use of performance enhancers in Major League Baseball. While cheating has long been part of baseball (think spitballs, flaxseed oil, corked bats, stealing signs) the steroid era has seriously and perhaps permanently damaged the reputations of America's favorite pastime and many star players.

I've been thinking about the concept of "cheating" in the email marketing industry for a while now, and the release of the Mitchell Report makes me wonder: What would an outside investigator find if he came in and scrutinized our industry? Who would be the Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens of email marketing?

The email industry has its superstars, of course -- marketers who preach respect for the subscriber through strict permission, relevance, transparency and reputation. Which of them are also secretly guilty of using questionable performance enhancers such as poor permission practices, buying (not renting) lists, refusing to police affiliates, blocking the road to unsubscribing, or participating in poorly conceived co-registration schemes?

On one hand, I can understand this drive to game the system in order to gain a competitive advantage. In baseball, the major-league ballplayer who doesn't do HGH may be at a disadvantage when compared to a teammate or competitor whose regular dose keeps him in top condition during the dog days of the season. In the same way, a legitimate marketer who observes a strict opt-in policy might have a harder time making quarterly numbers than the buddy up the street who message-bombs any and every email address he can grab -- regardless of permission.

We've almost become inured to cheating, from parents who do their kids' homework to college students buying papers, plagiarism and fabrication by authors, corporate schemes to defraud customers and investors -- and a climate of rampant cheating and unbridled mendacity at all levels of government.

So, why am I upset at the idea that a few bad apples in our own industry hide the unsubscribe link in their emails, or write slimy privacy policies that nobody can find anyway?

Simple: Because these players make the rest of the industry look bad to the public at large, to our peers in other marketing channels, and, most important, to our customers. Customers who don't trust their email won't buy from it. Executives who control budgets and who think we're a bunch of spammers won't give us money to create effective, trustworthy programs.

The Mitchell Report is bound to spur a new round of investigations and attempts to impose new regulations on baseball. And if we don't get our collective act together, if we can't agree on basic standards for reputable email marketing (by default defining what "cheating" is) and weed out the bad actors, we could be the next ones to find ourselves in the glare of the public spotlight.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008



I hope that the millions of people that read this blog enjoy the new makeover. I had to outsource all the work to these 3 foreign kids pictured below for a whopping $236.58, it was a lot cheaper than hiring Bill Gates. Sorry America, I cheated you out of $236.58 but I promise that from this day on I will only sleep with American hookers, sniff American made glue, and only let God bless that which is America.

Monday, January 14, 2008


The Fine Art of MySpace Cropping

This girl is fucking hot, right?
Click the picture to reveal her hot body!!

Friday, January 11, 2008



If today is your birthday then you are in luck. I see many hungry cougars in your future just waiting to maul you. Before you go out tonight, bath yourself in a luscious peppercorn-onion and Kosher salt treatment for approximately 4 hours. Cougars love when their meat has been marinated. You wouldn't jump without a parachute, would you? So, remember "wrap it before your slap it."

Aries March 21 - April 19
The combination of energies might mean that you are a little flighty today. So when your lover suggests something different, don't become apprehensive to the signature "brown finger" move.
Your lucky numbers: 5, 7, and 4,567

Taurus April 20 - May 20
The waters of Montenegro have been calm for some time. However, there shall be a great storm in your near future. You will have to make a challenging decision between friends and romance. Mending this tough decision may only be solved with a romping salacious orgy between all parties.
Your lucky numbers: 6, 9, 69, and 1.4

Gemini May 21 - June 21
According to the positive aspect between Jupiter and Saturn there will be a wonderful chance to boost your cash reserves today! Take all of your life savings and invest it in Clonaid.
Your lucky numbers: 1, 2, 3, 4, and5

Cancer June 22 - July 22
Your bio-rhythm has been disturbed from repeated listenings to Janet Jackson's 6x Multi-Platinum 1989 album "Rhythm Nation 1814". You may also find that it is hard to express exactly how you are feeling, but this will soon pass along with your kidney stones.
Your lucky numbers: -4, 17, 0, and 99.4

Leo July 23 - August 22
You will find that you'll become more in touch with your emotions and yet you’ll have a need for some adventure too. Combine the two needs by expressing your inner feelings through song or poem and then try a killing rampage at your local mall.
Your lucky numbers: 567, -5.6688886, and 3

Virgo August 23 - September 22
Today may bring some profound insights about the way you really want to be living your life. Be cautious, this could be a very serious problem. If you are gay, tell someone right away and then seek medical treament immediately.
Your lucky numbers: 17, 44, 1 and 1/3, and 9

Libra September 23 - October 23
What you will do during this first half of the year will almost certainly occur before what you will do in the last half of the year. The planets Venus and Uranus are struggling with inner conflict. Stay away from dairy products until you can get your own cow.
Your lucky numbers: 2, 4, 6, and 7.9

Scorpio October 24 - November 21
Justice throughout the world is just as important to you as prostitution. Influencing people is your hidden strength that you can use to overthrow laws and taboos. Don't knock it until you fuck it.
Your lucky numbers: 100, 4, 10, and 56% of 1,2994858

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Be cautious about getting romantically involved with any other Virgos. They may look as though they swallow, but you can be assured that they only spit. Playing with yourself may be the only path to enlightened love.
Your lucky numbers: 17, 28, 37, and 45

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
Find some time today to plan an exciting weekend with your friends and try some kind of outdoor activity you’ve always wanted to try such as: humping traffic lights, peeing on trees or pooping in trash can reciprocals.
Your lucky numbers: 13, 5, 59, and 37

Aquarius January 20 - February 18
The excellent planetary influences that are surrounding you right now indicate that whether you’re single or attached you’ll be on the receiving end of some flattering anal protrusions.
Your lucky numbers: 99,739,999,196,999,900,984,999,999, and 4

Pisces February 19 - March 20
The influence of Chiron suggests that a matter from the past or an unresolved issue is likely to resurface today. A helpful, supportive friend will be on hand, and although you might not like what they have to say they will still say it and you will have every right to permanently end their lives without messing up your positive Saturn energies.
Your lucky numbers: T, L, X, and R

Thursday, January 10, 2008


That's What Friends Are For

Published: January 9, 2008

Even for the once-notorious Hell’s Kitchen neighborhood, it may have been a first: Two men were arrested on Tuesday after pushing a corpse, seated in an office chair, along the sidewalk to a check-cashing store to cash the dead man’s Social Security check, the police said.

When Virgilio Cintron, 66, died at his apartment at 436 West 52nd Street recently, his roommate and a friend saw an opportunity to cash his $355 check, the police said.

They did not go about it the easy way, the police said, choosing a ruse that resembled the plot of “Weekend at Bernie’s,” a film about two young men who prop up their dead employer to pretend that he is alive.

“Hell’s Kitchen has a rich history,” said Paul J. Browne, a police spokesman, “but this is one for the books.”

There was no sign of foul play in Mr. Cintron’s death, he added.

The roommate, James P. O’Hare, and his friend, David J. Dalaia, both 65 and unemployed, placed Mr. Cintron’s body in the chair and wheeled it around the corner, south along Ninth Avenue on Tuesday afternoon, the police said. The men parked the chair with the corpse in front of Pay-O-Matic at 763 Ninth Avenue, a check-cashing business that Mr. Cintron had patronized.

They went inside to present the check, but a clerk said Mr. Cintron would have to cash it himself, and asked where he was, the police said.

“He is outside,” Mr. O’Hare said, indicating the body in the chair, according to Mr. Browne.

The two men started to bring the chair inside, but it was too late.

Their sidewalk procession had already attracted the stares of passers-by who were startled by the sight of the body flopping from side to side as the two men tried to prop it up, the police said. The late Mr. Cintron was dressed in a faded black T-shirt and blue-and-white sneakers. His pants were pulled up part of the way, and his midsection was covered by a jacket, the police said. While the two men were inside the check-cashing office, a small crowd had gathered around the chair. A detective, Travis Rapp, eating a late lunch at a nearby Empanada Mama saw the crowd and notified the Midtown North station house.

Police officers and an ambulance arrived as the two men were trying to maneuver the corpse and chair into the check-cashing office.

The two men were taken into custody and questioned. The police said they were considering charging them with check-cashing fraud.

Mr. Cintron’s body was taken to a hospital morgue. The medical examiner’s office said its preliminary assessment was that he had died of natural causes within the past 24 hours.

Al Baker contributed reporting.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008


Monkeys "Pay" For Sex

By GILLIAN WONG, Associated Press Writer Sat Jan 5, 7:58 AM ET

SINGAPORE - Male macaque monkeys pay for sex by grooming females, according to a recent study that suggests the primates may treat sex as a commodity.

"In primate societies, grooming is the underlying fabric of it all," Dr. Michael Gumert, a primatologist at the Nanyang Technological University in Singapore, said in a telephone interview Saturday.

"It's a sign of friendship and family, and it's also something that can be exchanged for sexual services," Gumert said.

Gumert's findings, reported in New Scientist last week, resulted from a 20-month observation of about 50 long-tailed macaques in a reserve in Central Kalimantan, Indonesia.

Gumert found after a male grooms a female, the likelihood that she will engage in sexual activity with the male was about three times more than if the grooming had not occurred.

And as with other commodities, the value of sex is affected by supply and demand factors: A male would spend more time grooming a female if there were fewer females in the vicinity.

"And when the female supply is higher, the male spends less time on grooming ... The mating actually becomes cheaper depending on the market," Gumert said.

Other experts not involved in the study welcomed Gumert's research, saying it was a major effort in systematically studying the interaction of organisms in ways in which an exchange of commodities or services can be observed — a theory known as biological markets.

Dr. Peter Hammerstein, a professor at the Institute for Theoretical Biology at Humboldt University in Berlin and Dr. Ronald Noe, a primatologist at the University of Louis-Pasteur in Strasbourg, France, first proposed the concept of biological markets in 1994.

"It is not a rare phenomenon in nature that males have to make some 'mating effort' in order to get a female's 'permission' to mate," Hammerstein said in an interview, likening the effort to a "fee" that the male pays.

"The interesting result of Dr. Gumert's research on macaque mating is that the mating market seems to have an influence on the amount of this fee," Hammerstein said.

Hammserstein said Gumert's findings indicate the monkeys are capable of adjusting their behavior to "different market conditions."

Gumert completed his fieldwork in February 2005 and first published his findings in the November issue of "Animal Behaviour," a scientific monthly journal.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008


Cry Cry Cry

Normally I wouldn't want to offend all of the people that read this blog. I try to keep my material very conservative and in good taste. I have a certain responsibility not only to this blog but to my fellow countrymen (and women (mainly whores)) to do whatever is necessary to stand up for moral decency in this great land we call America. I try to stay away from such serious controversial worldly issues such as religion, politics, global warming, immigration, dirty sanchezs, pogo sticking, mother-daughter threesomes, abortion, that 2 Girls 1 Cup video, and rape. However, I did find it rather humorous when Hilary Clinton started crying the other day. So here are some other people who look like whiny little bitches when they cry.

Dawson Leery, probably crying because Pacey rejected his sexual advances.

Britney Spears, crying because her hair keeps growing back and every nine months it seems like she has to take a really big poop and then a judge orders her to actually take care of it and she's fat.

President Bush, actually he's not crying, he's just giving a speech and trying to say the word "meatballs"

Paris Hilton, she's actually not crying either. Some random guy just happen to take this photo just before she gave him a blow job in exchange for a Percodan.

I'm not sure who this is, but she's probably crying because she just found out that she is not real.

Friday, January 4, 2008


10 Things You Never Knew About...

(I found this on the Internet, so of course I had to add my own commentary in red, enjoy)

1. The typical lovemaking session lasts around 15 minutes: roughly 10 to 12 minutes of foreplay and around 3 to 5 minutes of intercourse. Does this include anal?, because that would add on at least 3.7 seconds to my personal record of 53.2 seconds of total lovemaking session in one sitting and/or squatting.

2. Humans aren't the only horny members of the animal kingdom doing it just for fun. Dolphins and a type of chimpanzee called the bonobo have also been observed engaging in sexual activity when they are not in their natural reproductive cycles. Yeah but I bet no other animals jerk off 8 times a day and/or try to choke themselves at the same time, Ha! Beat that(no pun intended) you savages! That just proves that Evolution is false.

3. While Viagra has made erectile dysfunction (affecting 10 to 12 percent of men) a household phrase, the opposite problem -- premature ejaculation -- is more common (affecting 24 to 27 percent of men). The U.S. Food and Drug Administration is currently reviewing a drug called dapoxetine as a cure for this problem. How about a pill for women to stop bitching, start getting in the kitchen and making dinner and then give heavenly fellatios on command while forever relinquishing their ability to spit.

4. Crank up that thermostat... orgasms may be more intense in warmer conditions. The degree of vasocongestion, reddening or darkeing of the skin known as the "sex flush," is both more common in warmer temperatures and an indication of how intense an orgasm may be. So that's why I had such a hard time with that polar bear, grrrr.

5. If a woman experiences orgasm during sex, she is more likely to become pregnant, since orgasmic spasms in pelvic muscles help move sperm up the vaginal canal to the uterus. I always thought a good ol' Donkey Punch did the trick just fine. Look kids, if you don't want to get pregnant you can always try abstinence (which I think is just a fancy way of saying anal).

6. Homosexuality is not unique to humans. Many species have been observed engaging in homosexual activity, and in fact male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality of all mammals. First, this totally explains why Batman is gay (here's proof) Also, other other animals will burn in hell as well?**.

7. On any given day 400,000,000 people around the world -- 1 in 17 of us -- will have sexual intercourse. Broken down further, 4,000 people are having sex at any given time. And one of these couples is probably your mom and dad, yeah that's right. Just visualize it, right now your parents could be one of the 4,000 people bumpin' uglies at this very moment.

8. Sex cures headaches. Endorphins released into our bloodstream when we have sex not only give us pleasure but also act as painkillers. Useful information to whip out the next time your partner uses a headache as a reason to say no. I know what else I could "whip out" and mushroom slap my partner with next time she uses that lame ass excuse.

9. Many elderly can and do have frequent sex. At age 70, 73% of males are still potent, and 30% of women 80 or older have still have sex. Does this mean that I have a 30% chance of having sex with your Grandmother?

10. 70% of women would rather eat chocolate than have sex. This is why women are so fucking stupid, semen has a whole lot many less fewer calories than a goddamn Hersey bar.

**Dear Mr. Gay Homo Man, I'm sorry about that joke about you burning in hell in all. I really didn't mean it. A lot of my best friends are gay, and I have watched a lot of lesbians on the Internet. Look, I didn't like broccoli when I was younger but one day my mom gave me a piece and said just try it. So I did, and you know what? I liked it. The moral of the story is, unless you like your broccoli burnt to a crisp, have your mom get you a nice piece of ass, (women ass), and just try it, you'll never know, you just might like it, and I, I, might just stop using, commas,.

Thursday, January 3, 2008


Bad Gift Emporium

I have found another use for the Internet besides looking at pornographic pictures of Chinese amputees having sex with zoo animals dressed in cargo shorts. Did you get a shitty gift this year? Santa fucked you over? Well too bad, you probably deserved it, you little pansy. However, once again Al Gore has saved your ass because now you can share your horrible gift with the world and possible get some cash for it!!! Visit Bad Gift Emporium for a collection of bad gifts, some of which you can actually buy and/or sell if you are smart enough to keep your dick out of your vacuum cleaner for more than 5 minutes. It's kind of like shopping from homeless people. One man's trash is another man's hooker. Enjoy, you fucking enormously large chocolate hot dogs.

Here's a snapshot of the website, now go fuck yourself.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008



If your Birthday is today, do not go outside, drive a car or clean the lint out from your bellybutton. You life is in serious danger. Kill any fish that you may have as a pet and put 2 tablespoons of baking soda under your bed while you sleep. Trust me.

Aries March 21 - April 19
The one you love has murdered someone and no matter how hard you try bottles of ketchup will always be problem for you; forever.

Taurus April 20 - May 20
You have a clock in your room. Do something daring today, such as loudly clapping your hands while signing Michael Jackson's Just Beat It every time you get an e-mail.

Gemini May 21 - June 21
You are very creative and completely unique in all aspects of your life. Therefore, you are just like everyone else.

Cancer June 22 - July 22
Thinking about the past will get you nowhere. Burn all of your photographs and then urinate on the ashes, money and dildos are in your near future.

Leo July 23 - August 22
Being yourself can only go so far, so try being a bird. This would include shitting on random cars that are parked under trees.

Virgo August 23 - September 22
You have absolutely no worries in your life. Everything means nothing because you are going to die in 4 days. Enjoy!

Libra September 23 - October 23
You are an attractive, strong and loyal person. Honesty is your true virtue, so tell your significant other your dirty lustful feelings you have about fornicating with their sibling(s).

Scorpio October 24 - November 21
You are reading right now but you are not understanding the true meaning of these words. Yet you continue to read. Spread hot jelly all over your body and then stick you head in a freezer for better clarity.

Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
Happiness and herpes are both in your immediate future. Drink some tea and listen to the voices in you head, they are always right.

Capricorn December 22 - January 19
The love of your life lives in your neighborhood. Be cautious of any urges for a sex change.

Aquarius January 20 - February 18
You are as smart as your are beautiful. Be careful, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and Stephen Hawkings will one day be on the cover of Cosmo.

Pisces February 19 - March 20
Life is hard and you are faced with many obstacles. There are many solutions but nothing is more important than alcohol, drugs and sex with random people. Stay the course.


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