My Blog

I found this picture on the internet. And I was deeply disturbed. I couldn't help but notice a few strange things. First, what is hanging on the cabinet door on the left? Is that some dried herbs? A decoration? A painted design? A back-scratcher dawned with marijuana leaves? Whatever it is, it's very tacky. I don't think I would put anything like that on my cabinets.
Second, a white kitchen, really? I guess it's just personal preference. However, I prefer a nice dark oak cabinet. Oak is a sturdy wood used in many traditional furniture items. It is generally straight grained with a coarse texture. It's a classic look at a reasonable price, much cheaper than any sort of surgery. All in all, oak is well-rounded and robust. Doesn't that sound better than white? Also, the cabinet knobs are hideous! This woman's hands are rather large. So, I would recommend 40mm brushed satin nickel knobs. A knob that is a pleasure to feel every time you open a cabinet. Anything bigger would just be awkward and gaudy.
Third, do you know what a spice rack is? Obviously this woman has no clue how useful a good rack can be; for her spices. Why would you store twenty spices above your stove? I understand that it may be easier to reach the spices, but it also makes it easier to engulf your house in flames with the aroma of Melegueta Pepper. It's not like you would need an enormous rack; for your spices.
Fourth, what's with the sunflower? It's placement above the stove just adds to the numerous fire hazards of this house. A closer look reveals not only a sunflower hot pad, but an actual sunflower as well. Do you really need an actual sunflower strategically placed right in front of a sunflower hot pad? A little too much for me.
Fifth, what is with the black and white checkered pattern behind the sink? I won't even go there.
Sixth, the sink is full of soapy water. Is she washing dishes in the sink!?! Using a dishwasher is much more environmentally friendly than hand-washing dishes. A dishwasher uses less water, less time, and some new dishwashers may use less power to heat water.
Seventh, I'm not even going to state the disgusting inelegance of her clothing. I just want to point out that loosely worn clothing could also be dangerous. Especially around such a big booby-trapped house. A house that seems to invite death over for dinner and wine, but still hasn't gone all the way; yet. Some possibilities of her demise include:

• Her loose clothing could get caught in the garbage disposal and maim one of her appendages.
  
• One of those flammable spices could fall onto her stove, while she was preparing Pan Seared Magret Duck Breast, and she is blown to bits.
  
• Her loose clothing could also catch on fire while cooking, engulfing her in flames. With all that flammable cheap lead-filled white paint she used on the cabinets, she might be lucky enough to leave the Fire Marshal her teeth for identification purposes.
  
• For some reason, and I can't figure it out yet, she cannot see her toes. She trips, knocks her head on the cabinet, falls to the floor unconscious, and then that object (whatever it is) on the cabinet falls off and stabs her in the jugular. This could happen. Haven't you ever seen "Final Destination"?
  

If anyone else can find anything strange, odd, hugely out of place, a big mistake, hazardous, mountainous, or silly please let me know. I think I have covered everything.

Good day Children.

Labels: cabinets, dishwasher, huge boobs, I cannot believe I missed her huge boobs, knobs, natural spring water, picture, spice racks, woman